Results tagged ‘ EPIC FAIL ’

Nothing Good Ever Happens With 2 outs and a 2-2 Count

Ugh, there are a lot of recaps of last night’s horror show of epic proportions, but I think this one really sums it up.  It was a choke job so epic, even Yahoo! sports featured it on the front page (at least it was on the front page, looks like it’s gone now).  Great.  How do I feel about it?  I feel just like this guy:

vomiting.jpgThe Twins are rumored to be shopping Delmon Young, and I was going to write a detailed post about Delmon and his numbers and compare him to Carlos Gomez, but I’m just not in the mood right now.  I know there’s still plenty of baseball left to play and blah, blah, blah, but really today’s game against the Brew Crew is going to seal the Twinkies’ fate.  If they win, they will live to torture us another day be back to .500 and at least keep pace with the Tigers.  If they lose, well, then it means that I was right.  And I hate that.

Idiots being idiots

Since today has once again been a really horrible news day (Holy hell, Harry Kalas and Mark Fidrych in the same day?  Let’s hope death fans on the hat trick), I figure we could all use a little comic relief:

  • Manny Ramirez wants to retire with the Indians

Thumbnail image for MannyRamirez.jpgLast year, Ramirez wanted to retire in Los Angeles.  Now, after bilking signing a 2-year, $45 million contract with the Dodgers, Man-Ram has announced that he would like to play his final seasons in Cleveland.  And he wants former teammate Jim Thome to join him.  Now, if Thome follows Man-Ram to Los Angeles, this is a proposition I would whole-heartedly support. 

  • Sunday night is alright for fighting

The Red Sox and Angels engaged in the first bench-clearing brawl of the season last night, after an errant Josh Beckett pitch sailed over Bobby Abreu’s head.  There was some pushing and shoving but there weren’t any actual punches thrown, and I don’t think this was an intent ball (Beckett was in the middle of his windup when the home plate umpire called time).  When all was said and done, Torii Hunter, relief pitcher Justin Speier, and Angels’ hitting coach Mickey Hatcher were sent to the showers.  Angels’ manager Mike Scioscia was ejected for barking at Beckett (or somebody, he shouted something from the dugout) in the very next inning.

This brawl was actually kind of lame.  The batter wasn’t actually hit, and the pitcher wasn’t actually throwing at him.  And like most baseball fights, there wasn’t any actual fighting, either.  Hockey fights, on the other hand, are an entirely different story.  Sometimes even the fans get involved:

  • Reds OF day-to-day after incident with revolving door

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Reds OF Chris Dickerson has apparently hurt himself while fighting with a revolving door as he was leaving his hotel on Saturday morning.  Somehow he struck himself in the head with the door as it swung around.  While this might not be a fail as epic as Joel Zumaya injuring his hand while playing Guitar Hero, or Clint Barmes breaking his collarbone while carrying deer meat, this is probably not the smartest move for someone who is battling with Jerry Hairston, Jr. for playing time.

And you know who else is an idiot?  Me.  For somehow accidentally publishing this post before I was done writing it.  I fail at the internets.  But then again, you probably already knew that.

(Not) World Effing Champions

  • Team USA poops the proverbial bed

usa_sucks.jpgWell, things got off to a good start for the Americans.  Brian Roberts hit a leadoff home run against Daisuke Matsuzaka.  And then things kind of went downhill from there.  The Japanese would score nine runs, only five of which were actually earned.  Team USA’s defense was atrocious.  Officially the Americans committed three errors, but unofficially it was probably closer to five or six.  Obviously they didn’t want the Venezuelan record of five errors in a WBC game to stand (those commie ********!) and were trying their hardest to set a new standard in horrible defense.  Either that or they simply forgot that this was a single-elimination game.

Japan now gets to defend its WBC title against Korea tonight.  It’s kind of disappointing that the US didn’t make it to the finals, but this should be a very good game.  These two teams are powerhouses of Asian baseball, sort of like the Yankees and the Red Sox of the far east.  I don’t have a particular favorite to win it all, but I guess I’ll root for the defending champs.  Which of course means that Korea is going to win.  I mean, look at my track record so far.
 

  • Twins beat Toronto, 11-6

morneau-06b.jpgThe offense finally decided to score some runs in yesterday’s game against the Blue Jays.  Justin Morneau had a three-run homer, his first big blast of the season. Morny had a very good day at the plate, going 2-for-2 with a walk (apparently Morny has been taking Harmon Killebrew’s batting advice).  Actually, pretty much everybody had a good day at the plate, since Jays’ starter Matt Clement wasn’t very effective.  The Twins knocked the righty out after 4 1/3 innings, pounding him for nine runs on six hits.

Our own Scott Baker wasn’t particularly sharp either, giving up four earned runs on nine hits in 4 2/3 innings.  He didn’t give up any homers though (for once), and recorded five strikeouts and no walks.  Jose Mijares continued to struggle, giving up two earned runs in 2/3 of an inning, and also injured his ankle while trying to cover first.  It’s looking more likely that the lefty is going to spend the season in Rochester (although Gardy is stubbornly insisting they can turn him around before the team heads north in two weeks).  This might give Brian Duensing an opportunity to make the team if the Twins decide they need another lefty in the ‘pen.  Duensing has been a starter his entire career, and did struggle a bit early in the season while in Rochester last year, but has looked really good in his relief appearances during spring training.  At least he can get hitters out, anyway. 

  • Wild shutout Oil at the X

backs_sho_oil.jpgOwen Nolan scored a couple of goals, the Oil scored on themselves, and Niklas Backstrom made himself worth every penny of his four year, $24 million contract extension in one of the closest games the Wild have played all season.  They got off to kind of a slow start in the first, though they weren’t helped by some awful officiating.  Mikko Koivu got called for a phantom interference penalty on Ales Hemske (that was a beautiful piece of diving), and Dan Fritsche got called for boarding when he barely touched Ladislav Smid. I don’t normally complain about officiating, but this was ridiculous.  Luckily the penalty-killers (and Backs!) stepped up to prevent any sort of ill-gotten gains by the Oilers.

Marian Gaborik made his triumphant return to the ice after having surgery on his hip.  Though he didn’t score any goals, it was just really good to see him out there again.  Unfortunately, captain Mikko Koivu suffered a knee injury when he was pulled down by Ales Kolatik and will be out the rest of the week.  He might even miss the rest of the season, which means the Wild might as well forget about playing hockey past April.  Come on, Mikko.  Just rub some dirt on it and you’ll be fine. 

  • Schadenfreude

If you think Vancouver sucks, clap your hands
If you think Vancouver sucks, clap your hands
If you think Vancouver sucks and they’ll never win the Cup
If you think Vancouver sucks, clap your hands

I really shouldn’t mock the Canucks for this hilarious piece of epic fail.  They are a lock to make the playoffs after all, and my Mild Wild will be lucky if they manage to sneak in as the eighth seed (although beating the Oil certainly helps).  But there is nothing quite as satisfying as watching a hated rival do something so ridiculously dumb.  Especially when your own team has been doing so many ridiculously dumb things as of late.

Why am I a Twins fan?

p1.kirby.puckett.3.si.jpgScott over at I’m Not a Headline Guy wrote a lovely entry explaining his devotion to the New York Yankees.  And it got me to thinking about my beloved Twinkies, and, well, why they’re my beloved Twinkies.  Of course, a lot of it has to do with the 1987 World Series, which I am just barely old enough to remember.  Nobody expected the ’87 Twins to win it all, and with good reason I might add.  They finished with a mediocre 85-77 record, which was good enough to win the weak AL West division, but was the worst winning percentage of any playoff-bound team in history (a record that would stand until the 83-78 Cardinals won it all in 2006).  The 98-64 Detroit Tigers were heavily favored to win the AL pennant, with most analysts predicting a sweep of the supposedly hapless Twins.  Instead it was the Twins who nearly pulled off a sweep of their own, beating the Tigers four games to one to clinch the ALCS and advance to the World Series for the first time since 1965.  Once again, the Twinkies were up against a heavily-favored opponent in the St. Louis Cardinals, who were about to make their third World Series appearance in six years.  And once again the Twins would pull off a stunning upset, beating the Cards in seven games and clinching their first World Series title since moving to Minnesota in 1961 (and second in team history).  Frank Viola, Kirby Puckett, Dan Gladden, Gary Gaetti, all those guys on that team would become great heroes in Minnesota sports history.

And then there was the ’91 World Series, the greatest World Series of all-time.  This Series had everything:  dramatic walk-off home runs, fantastic pitching performances from youngsters Tom Glavine and John Smoltz and veteran Jack Morris, wrestling (Braves fans still haven’t quite gotten over that one), a new MLB record for extra-innings WS games, and two teams that had finished in last place in their respective divisions the previous season.  This time around the Twins weren’t exactly considered underdogs, having finished the regular season with a 95-67 record.  They steamrolled over the Blue Jays in the ALCS, winning four games to one on the way to their second World Series title in four years. 

The Braves would prove to be a much more challenging opponent, however, and the Twins would have to grind out five one-run games and three extra-innings games before clinching the title.  The most dramatic game of the series, however, had to be game six.  The Twins were facing elimination, having dropped three straight games to Atlanta, including a 14-5 blowout in game five.  The Twins took a 3-2 lead into the seventh inning, when Atlanta 2B Mark Lemke scored on a fielder’s choice with the bases loaded to tie the game.  The score remained even until the bottom of the eleventh, when Kirby Puckett untied the game with a solo shot off of Charlie Leibrandt to left-center field.  That shot, and Jack Buck’s now-famous call, has to be the single greatest moment of my entire childhood.  The Twins would go on to win game seven in ten innings, with a walk-off bloop single by Gene Larkin.  Jack Morris pitched a ten-inning masterpiece (yes, you read that right, ten innings) in that game, which to this day is one of the best pitching performances I’ve ever seen.  Good times.

There’s been a lot of other good stuff since then, too.  The 2002 team was amazingly talented, and looked like they were going to bring us another championship.  Alas, it was not to be.  The Angels made sure of that.  The 2006 team made an incredible late-season run to win the division. Unfortunately that was as far as the Twinkies would go, as they would then get swept by Oakland in the ALDS.  They really got under Ozzie Guillen’s skin that year, too.  That’s always fun.

And of course, there’s this guy:

Thumbnail image for mauer.jpgCome on, admit it.  You know you love him.  Even if you aren’t a Twins fan.

  •  I love the Wild, too, even though I complain about them a lot

Hockey in Minnesota is like hockey in Canada.  Or football in Texas.  It’s just what you do.  It’s what we’re good at.  If your hockey team has any Americans on it, chances are pretty good that they’re from Minnesota.  Or that they once played for the Golden Gophers.  I started off as a North Stars fan when I was a little kid.  They weren’t very good for the most part, though they did make a run for the Cup in 1991.  But then a very bad man decided to move the team to Dallas after the 1992 season.  I was heartbroken.  I cried like a little girl (of course, I was a little girl, but that’s beside the point).  And I was also torn.  I wanted to cheer for my Stars, even though they weren’t really my Stars anymore, because they took Mike Modano with them.  And I loved him.  But, like any other bitter divorce, the animosity I felt for my ex-team was too great and I just couldn’t get over it.  I couldn’t bring myself to cheer for any other NHL team either.  It just didn’t seem right.  I was a die-hard hockey fan without a team.

So I decided to fill the hockey void in my life with my hometown Gophers.  I mean, they’ve done some good things:

It just wasn’t the same as having a professional hockey team, though.  So when the NHL granted Minnesota an expansion franchise to open for the 2000-2001 season, I was absolutely thrilled.  Though I wasn’t crazy about the team name (what the heck’s a wild?), or the logo (or the home unis, blech), I was excited to have an NHL franchise back in Minnesota.  And though the team itself hasn’t exactly lived up to expectations, it’s been better than most of the old North Stars teams.  And we have new heroes now:

  • I root for the Vikings, and to a lesser extent, the Wolves, too

Tarvaris-Jackson-001.jpgWhy? Because somebody has to, that’s why.  Oh there was a time when the Vikings were good.  The Vikings of the late ’60s and early ’70s were some of the best football teams to never win a championship, but that was before my time.  I remember the 1998 Vikes, though I’ve spent the past ten years trying to forget the NFC Championship game.  And the current team is actually pretty good, it’s just missing a few key pieces.  Like a starting QB.  And special teams that can, um, not give up so many touchdowns (I mean really, when your punter is trying to make a tackle you know you’re in trouble).  And some decent play-calling (which, by the way, helps out the starting QB a lot).

I’m not a huge basketball fan, but I do have a soft spot for the Timberwolves.  I kind of feel sorry for them because they suck so bad.  It’s not their fault, they’ve been mismanaged for years.  And before Al Jefferson went down they had a pretty good shot at being a mediocre team this year.  At least they aren’t the worst team in the league, so there’s that.

Twins in the WBC

The Twins are off today, and there’s no Mauer news yet, so here’s a look at what our guys have been doing in the WBC:

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  • Justin Morneau:  Was completely useless for Canada in his first game against the U.S.  While he went 4-for-5 against Italy, it wasn’t enough and the Canucks fell 6-2 at Rogers Centre last night.  It was either a stunning upset, or epic failure depending upon which side you were on.  Anyway, Morneau will arrive at camp in time for tomorrow’s contest against the O’s and some well-deserved razzing from his teammates.

  • Jesse Crain:  Made only one appearance for Canada last night, and struck out all four batters he faced.  You know, it’s really no mystery why Canada failed to make it past the first round.  I mean, look at their starting rotation.  Perhaps they should have put Crain in to start. Anyway, I guess I’ll be jumping on that Team USA bandwagon now.

nicky_punto.jpg

  • Nick Punto:  Well, Little Nicky hasn’t been that productive at the plate, but his glove has been good enough to help Italy advance to the second round.  Um, except in today’s game against the Venezuelans, that is.  Punto had a crucial error on a routine ground ball to short that allowed a couple of runs to score and put Italy behind 4-0.  Looks like he’s going to be joining his Canadian teammates back in Ft. Myers.

  • Luke Hughes:  The 3B prospect went 2-for-3 with a solo homer for Australia, helping them upset Mexico in a 17-7 thumping on Sunday night (they also set a WBC record for hits, with 22).  He hasn’t been too bad on defense either, turning a double-play to end the second and prevent Mexico from extending what was a three-run lead at that time.  I guess somebody wants to go north with the big-league club this year.

  • Luis Ayala:  Hasn’t had a chance to pitch for Mexico, yet.  I guess that’s a good thing in a way, I would hate for him to be the one that gave up umpteen runs to a team that doesn’t even have any major-leaguers on its roster.  Still, I would like to see what he has, since he’s probably going to have to carry the bullpen this year. Maybe it would’ve been best if the Twins insisted he stay with the team, but I know they don’t like to deny anyone the chance to represent their country in the WBC.

roel_koolen_sm.jpg

  • Bert Blyleven:  The pitching coach for a surprisingly feisty Dutch team.  And the Dutch have indeed pitched well so far, limiting their opponents to five runs in the past couple of games.  They upset the Dominican Republic on Saturday, and threatened to upset the Puerto Ricans yesterday.  However, I think the upcoming game against the DR will be the end of the line for Team Hollandaise.  Their offense has been somewhat lacking, having scored an astounding four runs so far. Plus the Dominicans have the whole revenge factor going for them, since they’re still apparently angry over what happened the last time.

In other news, the Mild Wild will be losing to taking on the Sharks at the X tonight. Well, the Sharks are without Evgeni Nabokov and Rob Blake, so I guess the Wild have a chance to win.  Or not.

The last time the Sharks were in town, this happened:

Perhaps our boys will pull off a miracle yet again.  Their playoff hopes depend on it.

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